Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize