I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
