did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
They took my balls.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
