Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
