he thought i was a dude.
home. puking in laundry basket.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
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She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
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Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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