marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
