can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
