My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
