I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
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We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
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I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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