I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Randomize
