Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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