I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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