he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
