do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
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