i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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