Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
