I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
