Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
