You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
