Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
