I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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