this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
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I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
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The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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