no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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