so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
