Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
