I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
