I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
