As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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