I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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