my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
