On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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