maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
