I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
