he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
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tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
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Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself