i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
