btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?