I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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