Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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