Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Dear god my vagina.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
