Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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