I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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