There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
