You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
