just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
