Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
