; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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