ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
