I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
