Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
