I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
