omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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