i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
