im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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