Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Randomize
