i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
