i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
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While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
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I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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