Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i think my tv is drunk
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
