only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
a search helicopter?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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