She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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