he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
