i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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