Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
