how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize