now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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