got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
