dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
