he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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