can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
