If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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