I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
