He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
