why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
