Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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