i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
