it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
