Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
