I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
