i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
