I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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