dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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