i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
